#wah you guys are dicks

[thatwritterbeach]

One messed up bat .3

Dc masterlist

Batfam x reader x Jason Todd eventually

Summary: the batfam's approach to Y/n self harming. She makes a run for it, doens't get far of course

Warnings: self harm, self hate, innuendos, 18+ talk, Jason making passes at Y/n

A/n: I do not own dc wah

"I'll be out in a second." At least she'd cleaned up quick. Her eyes were bloodshot from puking but that was easy to pass off for just tears, she's already brushed her teeth and the bathroom was free of evidence. With a deep breath she opened the door to Jason leaning against the frame.

"I punched him for ya, Dick wouldn't let me get in more than one but I'll try again later," he tried to joke but she knew from the blood on his knuckles it was true.

"You didn't have to, I'm sorry I put a back slide in your healing-"

"You didn't do shit, pretty, it was all him, sure we'd been slowly makin' amends but I don't need him. I need you happy and safe, and he can't do either."

"I'm fine, or I'll be fine, or whatever it is you wanna hear, thank you for sticking up for me-"

"I can't let ya hurt yourself, sweets. Dick and I have decided on a plan," he said grabbing one of her hands to pull her over to her bed. She sat on the edge ready to bolt if she needed.

"You two making plans is never a good sign..."

"We're gonna move in here-"

"Oh hell no, we'll all kill each other!"

"We'll manage, for you. We'll take out old rooms, I promise not to smother Bruce with a pillow in his sleep and we can take turns sitting with you-"

"I'm not a child-" He stopped her with a pointed look, his eyes dropping just for a second to her chest.

"I know that-"

"Don't look at my boobs when you say that you weirdo."

"Stop interrupting. When should I look at your boobs then," he said then cringed at himself.

"Uh, um, I don't know? Not -I mean, this isn't a porno bro, so unless you wanna help me get unstuck from the dryer-"

"Ha, you saw that one too," he cut her off with a panicked laugh. His hand working through his hair.

"Just the memes, I don't watch-you know what never mind. Don't look at my tits-"

"Why is he looking at your...um," Dick accused in that 'I'm her older brother I will kill you with a spoon voice'.

"Can we just back to my self harm," she begged burying her face in her hands in embarrassment.

"Yes please," Jason said with relief. Dick was glaring at him, then used a finger to slash across his throat in the universal I'll kill you gesture.

"Anyway, Tim is laying out the ground rules for Bruce. Which is he's not allowed to be in any room alone with you, he doesn't get any shifts as your emotional support buddy-"

"Babysitter."

"-and he's grounded from the cave until we track down the joker and cut him into tiny pieces," Dick continued like she said nothing.

"Damian agreed to drug him if we had to, to avoid the no kill rule," Jason clarified.

"You guys are the best, none-legal, half-step-adopted-but-not-really-sibling-friends a girl could ask for. But you don't need to hunt for him, I know just where he is. I was gonna deliver his head to Jason for his birthday."

"You were gonna give me head-shit I mean a head for my birthday," Jason stuttered. The others blinked at him then Dick smacked him upside the head and Y/n started laughing.

"What is it with you? Do you need to get laid that badly? I'm nothing to look at you dork," she said with disturbing ease, shaking her head like she was scolding a puppy.

"Don't say that," Dick chided sitting on the bed and pulling her sideways into his lap. She flopped over onto him awkwardly with her arms pinned to her sides by him so she couldn't wiggle free.

"I think you're gorgeous, sweets." She snorted in disbelief.

"Yeah, right my family says I'm not ugly and I'm just supposed to take their word for it, nice try. The only person in this house that doesn't lie is Damian."

"I'd prove it to you if buzz kill wasn't here."

"Dude!"

"Oh my God, enough with the sex talk! Tim might hear-"

"Hear what?"

"Ok, seriously does the robin training include popping up at bad times did I miss that lesson?"

"Why are you just now getting the sex talk," Tim asked with a shit eating grin, little fucker knew something. She narrowed her eyes at him but his grin stayed.

"No, Jason keeps making passes like a damn player," Dick explained.

"Bout time," Tim said flopping himself down on her bed on his stomach.

"hardly a time for jokes, Tim-"

"No really, he loves you, you love him just kiss already-"

"You are so dead," Dick shouted rolling her off to the side to make a grab for Jason, who's instincts kicked in and had him out the door in a blink. Their footsteps could be heard pounding down the hall followed by a few crashes.

"Alfred's gonna be pissed," Tim said like he didn't just start it.

"Dude what the hell, why would you lie about something like that," she whispered shouted at him.

"I know you love him-"

"But he doesn't love me you little shit, it's horrible for you to start trouble."

"Speaking of trouble just how much damage did you cause before Jason got up here?"

"A little."

"Let me see."

"No."

"Then I'll just have the others hold you down-"

"Fine fine, when did you get so mean. I swear just last week you weren't saying more than two words to me," she grumbled rolling her shorts up to show him the bandages. They were shallow so no blood had soaked through but he pulled a knife from his pocket to cut them away and check any how.

"I'm sorry I've-we've all been distant with you, but you just seemed so...okay. I mean before Dick pissed you off your voice echoed down the halls as you sang. Every time I passed you you were dancing. You baked cookies with Alfred every other day- I just... I'm sorry I couldn't read between the lines," he said wadding up the gauze and letting her wounds get some air.

"Tim, the singing and dancing and the fake smiles were meant to throw you off, there was no between the lines," she explained softly.

He didn't respond just continues to look at her cuts, the burn scars and what he was really hoping wasn't words carved into her skin, they were so faded they blended with the stretch mark but he was sure he could make out a few letters. Dick came back into the room alone, looking smug but his smile dropped when he saw her.

"Tim! You were supposed to watch her," he whisper shouted crossing the room and dropping to his knees on the bed.

"I did this before any of you got in here, one last hurrah," she laughed. Dick wasn't laughing, he'd found the letters too.

"What did these say?"

"Huh?"

"Don't play dumb, you have letters scared, what did they say?"

She yanked her shorts down and became invested in her cuticles turning her body away and getting ready to run. Dick sat down on the bed about a foot from her trying to give her a bit of space but all he did was give her an opening. She was up and out of reach with a quickness only a past robin could have but she'd underestimated them Dick was in her path and Tim was to her side blocking the bathroom door just as quick. With little to no deliberation she bolted for her balcony. Slamming the doors behind herself she all but leapt from the guard rail and scaled the vine covered lattice with ease. They were close behind and she had to really kick it into gear to run, zigzagging to avoid them.

"Hey, what the hell guys," Jason voice said from only a few feet from her.

"Shit," she said to herself, her shorter legs going as fast as they could, just a little further and she'd be off the property. Of course she was in slippers and her feet were getting soaked from the damp grass, she was just thankful she hadn't-shit she jinxed it, she fucking slipped, right before the damn gate too. Three annoyed vigilantes were dog piled on her before she could even begin to stand back up and fell flat on her stomach in defeat.

"Thanks for the workout," Jason groaned at her his body draped over her legs.

"I forgot how fast you were itty bitty bat," Dick said from his position on his knees next to her, one hand on her back to hold her down.

"Just where did you think you were gonna go," Tim asked, he was just straight up sitting on her like an annoying little brother showing off that he'd grown taller.

"Can I get up now?" They all eased up but before she could get her to her feet Jason tossed her over his shoulder in a fireman carry. His ass looked great in his sweatpants damnit.

"Hey," she shouted smacking his hip, he smacked the back of her thigh in response and she was disturbed to find she'd liked it.

"So what did we learn," Dick asked bending down to be eye level with her.

"That I need to spend more time on the treadmill."

(this entire time I keep picturing Tim off to the side sipping an iced coffee like he's watching a 3d movie)

The walk back to the manner took a little while and Jason was sure to give her a bumpy ride. Unfortunately he'd discovered after he'd tossed her on his shoulder she was in fact not wearing a bra. He could feet her nipples, which had hardened from the cold, against his back as she tried to cling to him for a less rough ride. if Dick was going to kill him before, he was going to make him dig his own grave now. Of course, he felt disgusted for the thoughts he had about his technically adopted sister, even more so with what he'd said to her. If Tim was right, and she loved him back he would die happy. Now though, he had to focus on making her happy.

9-26-24

taglist

@stormz369

[malereadermaniac]

Insecure ~ Natsu Dragneel x Male Reader

Natsu is insecure about you having past partners - SHORT smut -> Hurt/comfort Top!Natsu x Bottom!Reader word count: 750 - Short fic in general lol Nsfw / MDNI ~ amab m!reader / FDNI

When you and Natsu started dating, he'd never been with anyone before

Both romantically and sexually

He's known you for a while so he knew that you'd been with a few guys before, and it never bothered him

But when the two of you had sex for the first time, you said something that made him start to feel a little insecure...

"Fuck... you feel amazing (y/n)!" Natsu grunts, his dick plowing into your ass like a madman

You moan loudly, Natsu's name bouncing off of the walls of his home

Your face was flushed and your body was sweating, you back against his bed, legs on your boyfriend's muscular shoulders

"Unnngh Natsu..." you moan, your ass clenching around the dragon slayer as kisses at your neck

His sweaty body against yours as you get closer and closer to cumming

"Fuuuuck are you sure you're a virgin, Natsu?" You moan, your dick twitching in need of release

"A-Ah... Yeah of c-course, baby Haaaaa~" Natsu moans, his face a mix of confusion from your comment and pleasure

"Holy shit - Ahhh~- you're better than anyone else I've had before FUCK!" You moan loudly

The thin string you were hanging onto snaps as you shoot ropes of white onto your chest and face

Natsu cums as well, biting your shoulder to ground himself as he finishes inside of you

His cum steaming hot, as expected of the fire dragon slayer

After the two of you clean up, you lay your head on your boyfriend's bare, muscular chest, his arm around your shoulders

You're talking about your day and a small mission you went on

But you were mainly talking at Natsu, not to him...

The pink-haired man was stuck in his thoughts

Natsu was having an argument with himself

He felt insecure that you were his first, but you had been with other men, who were probably more experienced and better than him

The other side of his internal argument was angry at himself, Natsu felt guilty as if he was slut-shaming you

It was fully within your right to have sex with as many men as you wanted before you two started dating, you were SINGLE for gods sake

But he felt icky knowing that other man had felt your touch the way he did...

"And then I ran into Lucy who-" you were mid sentence when Natsu interrupted you

"Sorry baby but... can I ask you something?" The pink haired man says meekly, avoiding eye contact

You chuckle "Yeah go ahead, I could tell you were stuck in your own thoughts anyway" you say with a smile

"Were... We're your past lovers better than me?.... like in bed" he mumbles

Natsu's question catches you off guard, to the point where you're speechless

Which Natsu takes as an answer

"Yeah I thought as much but...-"

"No! No they weren't! Sorry Salamander your question just caught me off guard" you explain, sitting up to look Natsu in the eye

"Oh... are ya sure? You don't have to lie to me, (n/n)" Natsu says as he brings a hand up to your head and plays with your hair

"I'm sure babe. You're better than any other dickhead I've been with in the past! Besides, I've only ever been with two other guys, and not one of them made me cum on their own haha" you laugh, your comments making Natsu blush

As the Dragon slayer keeps twirling your hair around his fingers, he looks into your eyes lovingly

"I'm glad I can make you feel good... cause your rock my world, (n/n)" Natsu chuckles

You laugh at his comment and after a little while, slap Natsu's shoulder gently and go to get up

"C'mon salamander, let's go start our da-" you were saying, however Natsu's tug on your arm interrupted you

"Wah!" You wail, Natsu's muscular arm immediately overpowering you, situating you onto his wide, muscular hips

"Let's go for a second round" Natsu says with a grin as the eager (no longer virgin) man grinds his hips upwards into your ass

"Noooo... I'm so tired already Natsu - bottoming is much harder than topping ya know!" You whine, but as Natsu grinds up, you too grind down

"Pleaseeee, you're hard too, (n/n)" Natsu chuckles, his rough palms rubbing up your side, his eyes focusing on your waist...

Fuck he loved your waist

"Ha.... Fuck it alright" you chuckle and bend down to kiss your boyfriend with a passionate, looooong kiss, that turned into a make-out

[butchhamlet]

are there any shakespeare retellings you recommend? i really enjoy retellings but it's also difficult to find ones that like. actually understand the source material... i've read your novella duodecimal and really liked it btw! excellent take on twelfth night :-)

THANK YOU SO MUCH WAH... yes, i can recommend some retellings! i keep intending to make a big post with my recs, actually, but there are so many out there that i haven't read yet... so for now here's an incomplete list:

a thousand acres by jane smiley: the first one that came to my mind seeing this ask. it's a retelling of lear set on an american farmstead, and the adaptation is done beautifully and smoothly--it's just distinct enough from OG Lear that you can judge it as a book on its own but also as a lear retelling. and it's sooooo good. it starts a little slow, but the character work is so excellent and it almost made me cry (i will note that there's a pretty hefty cw on this one but... saying what it is is technically spoilers? but feel free to send another ask or message if you want to know up-front)

the last true poets of the sea by julia drake: books that made me have to turn my camera off in zoom class so i could bawl properly. books written for me specifically. this is a loose YA retelling of twelfth night (looser than some of the other retellings on this list) and it's like. perfect. the teenage dialogue actually sounds like teenagers. every emotional beat clubbed me over the head. the love triangle is present--and done really well; it's not present for drama but because sometimes being a teenager is confusing--but more than that this is a book about the relationship between violet and her sibling, and about mental health, and god it makes me CRAZY. also girls kiss in this one

rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead by tom stoppard: i mean. i think most people into shakespeare know r&gad. but in case you haven't read it yet, it's an absurdist play from the point of view of rosencrantz and guildenstern and it's absolutely fucking brilliant. not sure what else to say about this; you've really just gotta read it

teenage dick by mike lew: another play, this one on the modern side--a retelling of richard iii set in a high school, focusing explicitly on disability issues. kind of more a reimagining than a retelling, honestly, but i really like the exploration of r3's themes and also it's fucking hysterical. although i will say there's a kind of jarring tonal shift in this one near the end, so don't go to it for something 100% comedic

american moor by keith hamilton cobb: okay this isn't exactly a retelling but if you've ever read othello you have to read it. you just have to. please god if you've ever read a shakespeare PLEASE. it's a monologue from the perspective of a black man trying out for the role of othello, half-resigned to being pigeonholed into playing that specific role in a very specific way as directed by a white director, but also half-chafing against that resignation, and also exploring the complexities of loving shakespeare as a black man, and it's soooooo so good

exit, pursued by a bear by e.k. johnston: this one is kind of cheating because it's not really a retelling, in that it has next to nothing to do with the winter's tale except that there is a hermione character and a leontes character and a paulina character. i still think it's a very very well-done YA book, though, and one of the only ones i've read that deals head-on with abortion

foul is fair by hannah capin: okay, i will admit i read this one some years ago when i was more into YA, so i'm not sure i would still go crazy over it now, but the plot of this book is that the modern lady macbeth character gets assaulted by a guy at a party and decides to kill everyone who let that happen. and then she does. and idk i read it in two days it felt like being on crack

the wednesday wars by gary schmidt: this one is DEFINITELY cheating, because this isn't a retelling of anything. but if you like shakespeare and you're open to reading historical fiction about a kid in the 60s using shakespeare as a lens through which to understand the chaos of his life (from the vietnam war to his school crush)... it's so good. it made me nearly sob. beautiful book

i'm also a fan of ryan north's shakespeare choose-your-own-adventure books, but those aren't exactly retellings and also the humor will probably not work for everyone. but i like em <3

and finally, i would be remiss not to shout out the fact that @suits-of-woe wrote an INCREDIBLE retelling of the two gentlemen of verona that, like, redeemed the fact that that play exists. if you've read that play and you thought, "wow, i wish this were explicitly homoerotic, or not a rape apologia, or good in any way," you will LOVE macy's book. unfortunately it isn't fucking published yet but WITH YOUR HELP--

[beevean]

Y'know say what you will about Shadow Generations, but at least Shadow's story is effectively a side thing that doesn't really intrude upon Gens' main one

So Shadow is still less sucked off than Alucard in NFCV. If Shadow Gens were like Nocturne it would start with Shadow saving the Sonics from the Time Eater and saying they should go help him against Black Doom

Different situations, maybe. Shadow Generations, regardless of its value as a game, was basically meant to be an ad for the upcoming Sonic movie, which all but promised us to hype Shadow beyond belief - we'll see soon if the movie will spam him or relegate him to maybe 10 collective minutes of screentime lol. The game itself, however? Yeah, it's just Shadow's side story meant to introduce him to the new audiences. It's all about how cool and awesome Shadow is that he doesn't care about his biology at all, no siree... but let's be honest, ShTH did more to suck him off lmao, remember the Last Story?

Regardless, I'm more charitable towards Shadow no matter what. Our hedgehog has been effectively dormant for a decade, save for a few minor appearances, allowing Sonic to do his thing unfettered until fans started to miss the "shitty friends" lol. I can handle one year (more concretely a few months) of nothing but hype and cheer for a character I'm not invested in. Alucard, however, has been stealing the Belmont show since 2017, and at this point it's getting ridiculous. Alucard was the main protagonist of S2, relegating Trevor and his family drama to comic relief. Alucard stole precious screentime in the crowded S3 despite his story being pure fluff. Alucard only existed in S4 because of fanservice, both in terms of the character and in terms of design (then again, do people even like N!Alucard past his tiddied design?). The writers clearly jumped from Dracula's Curse to Rondo of Blood/SoTN purely because that's when Alucard wakes up again in the games. S1 of Nocturne ends with Alucard Ex Machina because otherwise the new shiny heroes would have been killed by Isaac With Tits. The trailers for S2 have mainly featured Alucard. I'm so fucking tired.

"wah wah will you guys ever adapt Simon's story" no because they don't give a shit about anyone who isn't Sad McTits! Isaac was the only one who rivaled him in Creator's Petting, but by now he's dead, good riddance, we're stuck with the True Blorbo. It's one thing to suck Alucard's sparkly dick off, it's another when he keeps eclipsing every other character who at best is reduced to be his cheerleader (or some sort of half-baked homoerotic rival)! Why does he keep riding on the shoulders of other protagonists at this point?

And of course, this doesn't even touch on the fact that we're not talking about the real Alucard, who is still a character I can enjoy. This is Alucunt, the snobby snarky asshole who looks down on every Belmont. Save me.

[bearpillowmonster]

I'll be honest, sometimes it doesn't feel like anything's happening but it's still on par. It starts things that we don't necessarily need to see but it's excellent with pacing, we see the topic for all its worth but not over or under. So it being a show really works out in its favor because it doesn't feel like a long drawn out movie, it can play a little bit.

I didn't watch Gotham so I have no point of reference to see Oswald without Bruce but it well warrants its position as a standalone piece.

This version of the character is a lot different but every similarity shines its brightest from the little "Wahs" he makes as a way of laughing to his peg leg like way of walking. I really like the idea of him having to wear a brace on his leg like that. He's not the rival we once knew him as, he's filth at the bottom of the street who's just trying to make ends meet too. He's apart of a gang and owns a club but now he wants to own the city and that's really kind of the basis of his character in other media too so is it really that different in the end.

It kind of makes sense for his stingy grimy style to be more of the underdog built up and made for the people rather than born from excellence. Honestly, he's a little like Cartman when it comes to his mom. You see how much he obsesses over her though and then it comes to a crux when he has to choose his scam or her.

I'm sure you've heard that a version of Robin is in this (Vick instead of Dick) and he's the same way, I wouldn't have pegged him as that but I can't say I dislike where it headed. He doesn't as easily take up fighting, he's no acrobat, he's scared, he's being played by this gangster and he knows it but he dives deeper into that world. It makes sense that an orphan let alone a kid would be more like this, it's not a revenge story that Batman teaches, it's a courage choice that Penguin suggests and plays off of really well. And that's a great starting point for Robin…if he was Robin. (Not actually Robin, sorry)

Don't expect big connections outside of the Robert Pattinson movie, it makes it less predictable this way. In fact, there are points where I'd pause and be like "How's he gonna hide the knife?!" and then he tackles someone. "Oh he's gonna plant it." and then they search the guy and they don't find it and the mystery starts all over again. It's like a quick-time event you aren't sure you won or failed, a lot of stuff feels like the storytelling of a Telltale game and that's part of what makes it interesting. I never knew how things were going to turn out, I was always proved wrong and that's a big surprise for me because it's been a while since I've seen something to that great of an effect.

And the casting is great, the writing too. I've talked about how little meaningless stuff can make an impact sometimes like how at the beginning of Endgame they talk about "Who puts mayo on a hot dog?" and it's memorable. This one has that with lines like the cilantro, might as well stick a bar of soap in my mouth. And just grade-A lines. "I don't know how to trust you." "How about I keep showing you how." Dare I say that this is better than 'The Batman' because it doesn't have those annoying camera blockages.

And freaking Sophia going through her arc becoming the very thing she fought and sort of doing the opposite of what Oz did with Vic, that's really something but then she's like "Yeah, no, I don't want that either, let me become a new villain and make a name for myself." I want to see more of this universe, it successfully introduced so much that I just previously had no interest in the comics. It's not a perfect series, as I said, it's a different sort of take on everything, more grounded and realistic, but if you can get behind the concept then they deliver it very nicely. I wasn't even really excited for it so I was genuinely surprised then hooked by just the first episode.

[moonsb1996]

Strange things happened in MHA and I want to talk about them.

hello everyone ! I'm not dead yet and I'm back to complaining about MHA again, this time. "Double standards" Yes, what we often see among fans starts with the first person. Continuous cases of blood loss and death

A long time ago I came across a funny phrase from Toga's fan club. The gist is: “The old man and the middle school girl are two people in the middle of nowhere. The old man is dead. Who is more suspicious?” (I will tell you. he is saying The person who died in Toga Himiko's opening scene was a pervert = deserved to die)

For the above reasons? That made me scratch my head at myself. How can you be sure that the deceased really was someone who had sex with a high school girl? It's true that the location of his death was hidden from the eyes of many contemporaries, but you don't know that in… Japan has a career called "Girlfriend for Rent," which I think some high school girls actually choose to do because it pays. And their job is to just walk around and talk, but there's definitely nothing sexual in them. MHA is a manga that takes place in Japan If the deceased wasn't a pervert who had sex with a high school girl. But what about students or human uncles (?) who use the "girlfriend rental" service?

human uncles (?) who use the "girlfriend rental" service? But the actual service is too expensive, and Giran might be the one who recommended it. (The MHA world is not that black and white, you know that. No need to think about how to contact him.) Then Toga took care of it. Murder them. The police didn't know why because it was some kind of underground contract or something like Giran, wanting someone to die just found a way to give it to Toga. And she murdered and got blood to suck

Here I will say Can't have double standards, like the other person who said that the people in MHA deserve to die. (That idiot said that small children were not involved. But do you really think that LOV will be kind and not kill children?!) Look at the Skeptik that hacked the system to stop public transport systems that had small children in them because of the saying " The people who agree with the heroes are the ones who are not necessary to the new world. This bastard was going to kill the child inside without feeling anything! Is this what LOV did right by killing the people along with the hero society in MHA?

Gary Stu Bakugou Fuck Katsuki.

Damn Bakugo or Kacchan who is far superior to a hundred Andromeda universes put together. The best of the best, even Midoriya Izuku, was only Kacchan's paws. A very smart idiot. go to bed on time A great role model from Eri. A student dedicated to being a hero Even if it means shouting at the person jumping from the building, "If you're going to kill yourself, go somewhere else!" is the No. 1 hero that the entire universe will have to climb on his ant-sized dick!

But that's normal for Kacchan. Don't bully Kacchan, wah wah! If Hori were to write Bakugo, damn Katsuki as an unrivaled MC. Go ahead and write it so it's alone in the MHA universe! Readers like us won't have to waste time reading this! And those who say Kacchan doesn't like being called Kacchan. Do you not sympathize with Kacchan? Wa, wah! And how does Izuku really like the name "Deku"? That is an asshole. Katsuki is ready to cum on his cock! Double standards! oh ! I forgot. Bakugo, damn Kacchan's feelings are more important than Izuku's feelings, as are those who say that Toga's "normality" involves stabbing people with knives. There is nothing wrong with her! Bringing your head close to me, I want to use it as a place to vomit for a moment. It makes me remember a fan comic. That Bakugo had an argument with Izuku about something. (Curses Izuku again) And then he seems to meet Toga. Bakugo asks who Toga is and she answers. “I'm Izuku-kun's stalker!” Bakugou said, “Okay, that's fine!” Whore! This is all you guys ask for. Stroker looks good, no problem! Believe it or not, even if Toga were a man. These brainiacs will still scream to the point of orgasm. Thank you for reading until the end.

[manifold-updates]

Jack is in Sam and Colby’s Instagram post!

He replied to Sam and Colby!

[VIDEO ID]

Clips from Sam Golbach and Colby Brock’s new video that is coming out tomorrow at 6.11pm.

TommyInnit: Guys, we are going inside a haunted house.

~

Sam: Overall, this might be one of the most demonic rooms we have ever investigated.

~

Tour Guide?: (indecipherable)

Sam: What the fuck?

Colby: What the fuck was that? What the fuck was?

Tommy: Fuck, man, nah.

Sam: That just s- fell off.

Tommy: Nah.

Everyone shouts in surprise.

~

Jack Manifold: This has just like affirmed everything. Pretty much everything we’ve heard, like works as an answer to our questions.

~

Guide: You’re locked in.

Sam: Oh! Ooh.

~

Colby: There’s a succubus and incubus, those are demons that will fuck you when you’re sleeping.

Tommy: I personally don’t like that at all.

~

Tommy: Wah. Ahh.

Sam: Woah, woah, woah.

~

Jack: Things from this-

A child’s scream can be heard.

~

Sam: You can hear it!

~

Tommy: -get out of here! We go now, we go now!

~

Colby: Oh my god!

~

Tommy: Ghosties! Please don’t touch my dick and balls, it’s mine.

[END ID]

[archivalofsins]

"They're too lenient on children-"

Yeah, and I hope that child isn't lenient on any of you, actually. Some of these people are too lenient on adults. When you treat children like adults and your adults like kids just because they're crying out apologies-

Who are the real fucking children exactly?

Not to be a dick but like oh Mikoto's job was hard- Boo fucking who wah I'm sobbing for him. Literally a guy in my highschool seven years younger than this fictional man held several jobs and did school all at once. Kids from where I'm from are expected to have jobs and do school at the same time regardless of the grade level.

Like I'm sorry, lenient? On kids, the US, oh, that's cute. That's downright adorable. That some people would actually fucking convince themselves of that. The grass is always greener from the other side, I guess.

You can make kids homeless before the age of eighteen. My own mother was made a ward of state before she was high school age. My grandparents told her elementary school-aged ass to figure it out. It's just so telling when someone says stuff like this. Like life has really left some comfortable.

Have they never felt a belt? Never gotten locked out of their home and told to figure something out for the night because they were too late getting back to the house. Or just told "I don't care where you're sleeping tonight but it's not going to be here" just for disagreeing with their parents. You eat that or nothing. Don't think just because we're in public, I won't whoop your ass. A lot of people did not learn the fact that anything can be a belt if you want it to be. Never been told to go outside to backyard and pick a branch off that tree and make it a good one because if it breaks while I'm whooping your ass best believe you're going back out and getting me a second one.

Or shipped out of state to a therapeutic or religious facility for liking someone your parents think you shouldn't.

Like I will not understand people who say this sort of thing with their full chest like they actually know what the parenting is like in a country they weren't raised in, have done no research on, and have never been to or even plan to go to. It's so fucking dismissive and rude not just to people from those places with those sorts of experiences but it ultimately dismisses and diminishes those with similar experiences within their own country.

There is one thing that is the same wherever one may go, and it is abuse. The responses to it change, but the impact it causes and the way it occurs is rather consistent actually. So making broad statements like that is so fucking dumb and inconsiderate from every angle.

[fuforthought]

if they made an Expendables style movie with martial artists, who would you pick for it? Jet li would be a must.

How about I pick martial artists that aren’t well known since it seems that most choices would be obvious?

Jack Long (he’s the leader of the team)

Li Yi Min

Mang Hoi

Bruce Leung

Billy Chong

Moon Lee (cute girl that can kick arse)

Yuen Wah

Leung Kar Yan

Bad guys:

Dick Wei

Billy Chiw

Yasuaki Kurata

Yukari Oshima

Now that’s a film I’d watch.

[everystephoftheway]

camp cloudtop: chapter twenty-five

This can be found on ao3 as well.  

“Ms. Keyleth! Ms. Keyleth!”

Keyleth’s whole body was stiff, the barely cushioned carpet of the auditorium floor providing no support underneath her just as the barely cushioned sleeping bag she borrowed. Her eyes felt heavy, but as little hands pushed against her side she forced them open to see Clemyn, Tyne, and a couple other of their kids gathered around her. 

“It’s talent show day!”

The kids threw their hands up and cheered, Keyleth offering a sleepy smile as she slowly but surely sat up. With a couple good back stretches and a couple hugs from the kids, she found herself starting to wake up more, the adrenaline already beginning to pump through her chest. The lights had been turned on, some of the counselors standing and gathering their things for a trip to the bathroom to get ready and dressed for the day. Vax was not one of them, the top of his head covered by the thin material of his sleeping bag.

“Hey guys, Mr. Vax needs some help waking up.” She pointed over to him, and the kids immediately took off to give him the same warm wake up call they gave her.

She smiled as she watched and then, suddenly, like a punch to the chest, she remembered last night. His warm smile. His eyes under the moonlight. His lips against hers. Her heart started pumping harder, though not because of show nerves. Running her hands through her hair, Keyleth closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. In, out. In out. It was just a kiss. No one has to know. So what if it was a good kiss? Maybe the best kiss I’ve ever had–not that I have a lot to go off of, but it doesn’t matter. It can’t matter.

“Morning, K.”

“Wah!” Keyleth jumped, looking like a scared worm with her legs still in the sleeping bag. She looked up to find Kash standing over her, hair tied back into a small ponytail, bits and pieces not yet styled and tamed. “Hey,” she said, laughing partly out of nerves and partly from her own reaction. “How’d you sleep?”

Kash laughed too, squatting down to her level. “Alright,” he shrugged. “As well as one can on the floor surrounded by other people.” 

“Yeah…You ready for the show?”

“I think so.” Kash licked his lips, glancing down at his hands. “I’m sorry for being kind of a dick the last couple days.”

Keyleth’s brow furrowed, her hands curling into the sleeping bag fabric. No, no, no, don’t be nice! “What do you mean?”

“You don’t have to spare me. I was–well, I was ignoring you the last couple days. I was hurt that you didn’t say yes the other night, but that wasn’t cool of me. Even if I didn’t like the answer.” He glanced up at her under his brows, like a puppy who knew they chewed up the furniture. “I just wanted to make sure we were still good.” 

Keyleth’s heart sunk to the bottom of her chest, and with a deep breath she forced her shoulders to relax. Guilt flowed through her as quickly and easily as the blood in her veins; when Kash was ignoring her she felt bad but now? She didn’t know what to do. 

“Kash…”

“Keyleth!” She turned to see Vex shouting her name from across the hall, her clothes and toiletries gathered in her arms. “Come on! They’re going to start breakfast soon.” 

“Oh.” Keyleth scrambled from her sleeping bag and started grabbing her things, clothes and toiletries in one big lump. As she started to stand, Kash followed.

“Wait, are we good?”

She looked over at him, the way he lingered on her, waiting for the answer, giving her palpitations. She nodded. “Yeah. We’re good.” 

His smile bloomed and his posture immediately relaxed. “Cool. I’ll see you at breakfast.” 

He walked away and Keyleth rushed her way to Vex. So cool. 

The hot waters of a shower and a set of clean counselor wear did some to help Keyleth center her mind off of the last twelve hours and back onto the task at hand: the talent show. It didn’t start until noon, but there was still so much to do. The kids that didn’t sleep over arrived at their usual eight o’clock; the younger lot kept to their morning schedule, which meant Pike and Grog weren’t able to help set up, but Keyleth assured Pike the bake sale table would be perfect by the time she arrived. 

The bigger kids helped put all the sleeping bags away and create the rows of chairs for their audience, while Vax and Keyleth’s group helped put the finishing touches on decorations along the walls and entrance doors of the auditorium.

By the time noon came around, everything was set to go. All the kids sat in the front of the auditorium, their counselors making sure none tried to run on the stage too early. Kash stood at the door with a big glass box, taking the entrance fee from each guest. To his left, near the restrooms, were two massive folding tables set up like the most beautiful artisanal bakery pop up shop you’d ever seen. Pike stood behind the table–she was worried if she sat she’d get missed–and did her best to sell their baked wares, Grog aiding as an excellent sign holder with all the prices for the different pastries. 

Keyleth stood just inside the auditorium, welcoming parents and townsfolk, directing them to find empty seats wherever they could. 

“Well, look who it is.” She turned from greeting an Elven mother to see an older man just in front of her. He was tall with long graying hair, beard coiffed into a long point at his chin. Despite his sharp features, his blue eyes were warm, just like his smile.

“Dad!” Keyleth jumped into his arms for a big hug, and he was more than happy to oblige.

“It’s so good to see you,” he said into her shoulder, hugging her back with the strength and love only a dad could provide. 

“It’s good to see you too.” She leaned back to look at him, her feet touching the floor again as he set her down, and she reached to keep their hands together. “Thank you for coming.”

“As if I would miss this. It was worth the trip.” 

Keyleth smiled. “Did you–” She pointed out the door to the ticket box.

“Of course,” he smiled. “I even threw in a little extra.” 

“You didn’t have to do that!”

“Yes, I did. It’s clear how important this is to you.” He leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “I’m going to go sit down. I’ll see you after the show. Good luck.”

She gave him another hug. “Thanks, Dad.” 

By the time the crowd finally stopped streaming in, they had managed to nearly fill the auditorium. Kash carried the now very full looking money box backstage, him and Zahra finding a corner to start counting how much they’d collected. Pike, too, was giddy to show Keyleth an overfull metal money drawer, coins ringing against the sides as she walked. 

Keyleth, Vax, Gilmore, Vex, and Percy all made their way backstage, looking out at their gathered crowd, bright lights shining on the stage.

“I can’t believe we got this many people,” Vex shook her head. “This might actually work.”

“It worked,” Gilmore smiled at all of them. “Now. Let’s put on a show.”

He gave a nod to Keyleth before he sauntered out to raucous applause.

“Hello, my little turtle doves!” Gilmore flared his arms out, a puff of purple magic framing the stage; kids shouted and cheered, chanting Gilmore’s name. “Thank you, thank you. Welcome, one and all, to the first ever Camp Cloudtop Talent Show!” More applause followed. “I would truly like to thank every single one of you for coming and supporting our camp. We appreciate all of you and your coin.” There’s a smattering of laughter, and Keyleth was happy to let Gilmore warm up the crowd while she got to soak everything in from the wings. The lights made it harder to see–looking through the curtains even more so–but she could make some faces in the crowd. She saw her group of kids in the front and her father who waved from his seat toward the first half of rows. In the very back, standing against the walls, Keyleth spotted two tall figures. Even with the light, it was clear Lord and Lady Briarwood had arrived. They stood calmly, no indication of anything other than watching the show. 

She turned and poked Vax’s shoulder, the person closest to her. “The Briarwoods are here,” she whispered. 

He went and looked as well, nodding to himself. “Well, we didn’t expect anything less, did we?”

“Kash and Zahra are counting the money, right?”

“And they will keep it safe. It won’t leave backstage.”

“Do we know about recruitment numbers yet?” 

Vax shook his head. “Scanlan’s working the crowd for any extra sign ups.” 

Keyleth nodded to herself, her arms folded tightly against her chest.

“Hey.” Vax put a hand on her shoulder and smiled softly. “It’s going to be fine. 

“And now, our first act of the night! Please welcome counselors Pike and Grog with their wonderful pre-school group!” 

“Oh, that’s our cue!” Pike and Grog led their little ones up the big stage steps, Grog carrying five or six at once. 

The group began perhaps the cutest version of ‘I’m a Little Teapot’ that had ever been put to stage, Pike and Grog–her standing, him kneeling as low as possible–at the front corners of the stage helping them along. The show moved in earnest; with so many acts, they had to keep some sort of pace. Vax and Keyleth’s group was next. All in the flower crowns Keyleth made the night before, they performed the Macarena with style and gusto, the counselors in the back row as to not steal any spotlight from their kids. After them came Kash and Zahra–Gilmore watched the big box of money while they went on–and their group did a magic show with disappearing wands and handkerchiefs pulled from kids’ mouths. For their last trick, Zahra created a nice, big red smoke screen for them all to disappear behind, clearing it to reveal an empty stage. After a few more dance routines and one particularly good rendition of ‘Don’t Stop Believing’, Percy and Vex took the stage with their kids, the oldest group. They started to set up barrels and bales of hay, buckets of arrows set just off stage.

“Are they gonna kill somebody?” Kash leaned over Keyleth’s shoulder to look out on stage, the box of money tucked under one arm. 

“They better not,” Keyleth mumbled, turning to Kash and the box. “How did we do?”

Kash simply smiled with a thumbs up. “Pretty fucking amazing.” 

Percy and Vex’s group stunt performance went off without a hitch, Vex looking like a proud mom as she nearly skipped off stage into the wings with everybody.

“That was incredible! Absolutely incredible. They did so well!”

“You taught them well, darling.” Percy bumped sides with her, and her excitement hitched with a nervous laugh. 

A few solo acts followed: Gilmore performed some magical feats, Scanlan sang, and Vex and Vax did some dagger and arrow demonstrations. The crowd was fully engaged to the end, probably surprised by how much actual talent was displayed at a camp show. 

Gilmore returned to the stage, waving his counselors to join him. 

“What an incredible day! We want to thank you so much for coming once again and supporting our incredible campers, their incredible counselors, and this institution we’ve all come to love. Now,” he turned to Kash and Zahra, “as we all know this was not just for the frivolity of it all. This was meant to be a fundraiser to save our glorious Camp Cloudtop.” He gestured to the box. “Did we do it?”

Kash let the silence linger for just a moment before he punched an arm out and shouted, “We did it!” 

The crowd erupted, kids running up the stairs to join their counselors as everyone jumped and screamed and hugged and cried. Keyleth couldn’t even feel herself in her own body; she was hugging Vex, then Vax and Percy. The kids bombarded her at the legs, and she hugged them too. 

Then, even through the cheers, how loud and all encompassing they were, there was a screech so high and viscerally loud it could’ve shattered glass. Keyleth stopped and looked at the back of the room to see Lady Briarwood, shoulders hunched, eyes blazing bright purple, and her husband next to her who simply grinned, long fangs visible even from this far away. 

[beevean]

https://gizmodo.com/castlevania-nocturne-interview-spoilers-alucard-annette-1850892875

This is an interview that for once is not only with Deats but with Clive Bradely as well, Nocturne's writer and Ellis' replacement.

Before I start, I love how they talk about *that* ending like it's the hypest thing to ever hype. They know. They know what the fans only care about.

It ends with a clear and ready indicator that team is ready to tackle arguably the most iconic Castlevania narrative of all time, Symphony of the Night, as Richter and his allies find themselves bolstered in the darkest hour by the arrival of a familiar face… well, to us, at least, even if our young heroes aren’t as up on their Castlevania lore as gamers are.

Fucking peak. I love it. The gang is ready to tackle the SoTN story because even though they were about to die badly, after losing Tera, Alucard is there to save the day. Goddamnit if you suck his dick any harder you'll vacuum it off his body.

Also lol and lmao they cannot adapt SoTN at all. Where is Richter grappling with the fear that after killing Dracula his life is now done, making him easy prey for Shaft's manipulations? None of this can happen. Dracula isn't even around!

The character of Annette, trapped in a castle, made me think of Esmeralda in The Hunchback of Notre Dame—this extraordinary woman who sweeps into France. It seemed an obvious step to make Annette a revolutionary from St. Domingue/Haiti on that sort of model.

This... sure is a train of thought. I'll just say N!Annette fucking wishes she had Esmeralda's charisma.

Later we had a Haitian adviser on board, Cècile Accilien, who helped us with aspects of the history and culture. We wanted it to be as authentic and grounded in reality as possible.

oh god no spinning i'm wheezing

If i was Mrs. Accilien I'd be offended by how the character named after me can't even be a proper wise guide without degenerating into "your entire self is rooted into being a slave" and "those stupid frenchies will never understand our pain, so don't bother expecting empathy from your boo", but what do I know

also yeah sure it's realistic how Annette uses the power of her gods to run away from slavery

I just loved the idea of Richter’s grandfather as this bitter old guy who’s been through hell, lost his magic (which at the point they meet is also true of Richter)—kind of the opposite of Richter, or an image of how Richter could end up if he doesn’t evolve into the hero he needs to be.

Fuck off. I've already ranted about this. My poor man Juste deserves better than being "that one stupid asshole that exists as a warning".

I just wanted to add that Juste is a really special inclusion in the series for me, and Clive brought him into the show in a really great way that resonates really well with the Castlevania fan in me.

"wah i'm so glad juste was included in my story as a cynical fuck to be bullied, for meeeee 🥺 i'm such a big fan guys 🥺🥺🥺"

I don't like Deats. I know it's mean of me, but the more I read him talk, the less I like him as a person, he's just so conceited. I don't know who is the bigger hack between him and Flynn now.

So there’s almost a bit of a debate about Alucard’s design and whether he has intended to have pale blonde hair or white hair in Symphony of the Night based on the artwork of him and even his character’s sprite in the game. At the time of designing him in the original series, though, I decided to lean towards the pale blonde hair in order to invoke his mother, which was appropriate to the story. His hair got more saturated during lighting/compositing than I had ever intended, though, which was a constant frustration of mine. But even back then I tinkered with the idea that if we were to jump forward in time, to show how time has passed by leaning more towards the white haired direction (this also had the added benefit of not being something we would have to worry about getting over-saturated during lighting!).

Well, there you have it. N!Alucard's hair got lighter in-universe. I wonder if he changed color naturally or he decided to change his appearance.

for Nocturne, we wanted to invoke his SOTN look while also reflecting that this is a version of him that’s been awake and fighting for 300 years

Mhh. So I was right. He did live on for 300 years and witness his friends' death, abandoning his castle and village and Trevor's descendants to fight by himself. I'll make sure to judge this decision once S2 comes out.

[notmuchtoconceal]

( o ) goodimpressionofmyself

smile like a television broadcast. eyes tuned to weightless waves of light and color. voice fit for radio, stammerin without a script

what else is there to see, bro? who else is there to be?

i know who you really are. i know what you really need. you don’t wanna think anymore, bro. all you wana do is be dumb and happy and jocked. dumb and happy and jocked. you’re not havin any second thoughts, are ya bro? that’s your mantra. that’s what you said first time you saw me standin there in full pads. chubbed up right on the spot, you got so stupid and dreamy seein me just go for it. livin my best life. my jock life. i know how bad you wanted this. all those nights we stayed up talkin. you begged to be on the team. begged me to slip you a copy a the orientation program so you could have an edge on the competition. dived right in and started loopin the file. stayin up all night deletin yourself to hit those weights first thing every mornin. bout fuckin nutted on the spot first time i let you try on my helmet, it made you feel so dumb, horny and controlled. dumb and happy and jocked. now you got one of your own. you made it. we’re in this together now, bro. that’s what you said, right? this was the man you needed to be? you couldn’t imagine a future where this didn’t happen? that you’d rather lie down and rot than go another day without this trainin, without this acceptance? 

i know you’re not gonna pussy out on me, bro. you made this choice. you suited up. accepted the programmin. submitted yourself to coach’s authority. sat down right next to me while we tuned out to the play board together. that not mean shit to you, bro? don’t start pullin any a that woe is me i was a biochem major shit on me now, bro. you want a lesson on endorphin release, run like your fuckin life depended on it. i mean, what the fuck kinda second rate dumbass are you, showin up and draggin ass, while we train like motherfuckers to make bitches a these other guys. fuckin wah. you don’t really wanna be here, get off the fuckin field, bro. either you’re fit to wear the gear, or you’re not. knock that shit off, bro

hey, bro. brooooo. come on, bro. don’t be that way. ballbustin ya cause i love you, bro. want you to succeed, want you to acclimate yourself fully to your new place on the team. hey. come here. come here, bro. hard for some guys, givin themselves up. throwin away everythin they used to be. everythin they thought they were. bet if you say the words along with me, you’ll find yourself slippin right back into that headspace, right back into the way you’re supposed to be, the way you need to be. give it a try, bro. dumb and happy and jocked. dumb and happy and jocked. yeah, that’s it. gettin a lil dizzy, huh? a lil light headed? prolly a lil bit stiff inside your pads? haha, don’t stop now, bro. keep goin. dumb and happy and jocked. dumb and happy and jocked. dumb and happy and jocked. hell yeah bro. gettin so tight inside that jock, bet it’s about to sting like a motherfucker. bet you’re tempted to unbuckle those pants right now, reach down into your tight ass comp shorts, right down into that sweaty ass jock, and yank that bad boy out right here on the field for everyone to see, huh? not the only python. unleash the beast. nothin in heaven or earth’s gonna contain that monster, haha

too fuckin bad, bro. you’re a football player now. that still means somethin in this crazy mixed up world a ours. another golden boy. upstandin model a collegiate manhood. you owe it to yourself, and to your team, and to the school not touch your dick, at least while the cameras are rollin, haha. hey. try to keep your hands off that monster til we’re back at the house, we can find you a nice tight hole to fill, huh? not in the mood to wait, you can learn to enjoy bein pent up and horny. we don’t make this next pass, coach’ll teach us the meanin a self-restraint the hard way, bro. weldin tools. workshop. that’s not a cup bulge over there on #34. can see the padlocks jinglin on his helmet. on the straps of his shoulder pads. i’ll let you use your imagination, you’re a smart guy… haha, not

get your helmet back on, meathead. we got us a game to win

(64 notes)

[force-slash-non-con]

YAYY I've gotten into Elden Ring let's go time for some horrid cruel OC talk

Let's call him Fang

220 cm. I have a fucking issue.

He ain't a nice man. Verily, he is a right cunt.

Yeah, let's not beat around the bush, he's a r4pist. He also likes breeding.

There are few things he respects more than power for yourself. Absolutely loathes bullshit like 'im grabbing power to protect people', 'im becoming strong because wah wahh I deserve it I've been kicked down for so long' shut up. Shut the hell up, own up to the fact that you just wanna be powerful and hold power over people. Don't make it pretty, don't make it whiny, just become powerful.

Also likes feeling good. He likes sex. Hence why he's Like This.

The first one he goes for is Varré. There's implications that Varré murders your Maiden at the start, and hey, if the guy wants to take the role as your maiden that bad, he'll get it. The full force of it.

(Varré inadvertently saved that poor woman. But Fang will absolutely try to breed the hell out of Varré-- oh, the genitalia isn't correct? Doesn't matter. He'll fuck Varré for long enough that the poor man will think that he's gotten impregnated.)

Poor Varré will stick up with it, because he needs this Tarnished one around, and Fang is taking some great amusement in seeing how far he can push Varré until the guy snaps.

Fuck dude, Fang hates Seluvis. Spineless old fool. He'll fuck his pussy until the poor man's actually impregnated for real. Blackmailing him because shit, the man laid all of his cards on the table with the entire assassination thing. Of course Fang is gonna lord it above him.

Fang and Dung Eater has crazy sex, and then tries to kill each other the rest of the time. Shared goal with the Erdtree, but neither wants the other one to get there first.

(I am not getting the Dung Eater ending because i don't want Big Bogart to die :(( )

Part of Volcano Manor. He side eyes them slightly, don't really like having someone pulling the strings-- but he can't deny the results. And ultimately, they're all open with what they're doing.

The sex he has with Rya us completely consensual. He carries her eggs when she eggpreggs him. She's sweet. Meek, sure, but she's undeniably strong. As long as you're strong, you can be as meek as you want to be.

There's this guy whose goal is to make sure that the weak will be the one who inherits the world, and Fang has never been more fucking confounded and utterly insulted. The weak? Inherit this world? Fuck no, they'll die within seconds, how is that gonna solve anything.

The second Fang met Blaidd, the poor wolf has never known peace. 'I'll suck you off standing up' has been said. Fang wants that wolf dick breeding him, and the situation is getting fucking dire, man.

Don't touch his hands. From the moment he arose, people have been wanting to touch his hands. Fucked him up a little in the handholding department.

He enjoys sex. He does also enjoy love, but he takes it from the people who least expect it. Shoves his head into the closest neck to nuzzle 'em up good.

[telafel]

I got to the 65-70% mark in ACOTAR and man it's like they decided to speed run the stupidity in it.

Spoilers under the cut

There is an incredibly unsexy sex scene when Tamlin is telling her she needs to return home for her safety. She does this whole pouty shit of like "Of course you'd send me awy, who would want someone like me all covered in thorns, waaah." Just hamfisting the meaning of the book title into the story in a jarring way, like girl. First off: You shed your prickly personality VERY quickly and have been pretty much just going with the flow and being happy for a majority of the book so far. Aside from not listening to some commands a few times you've been nothing but agreeable. Second: He literally just said he's sending you away for your protection and not because of your personality, why are you turning this threat of the WHOLE COURT and TAMLIN'S LANDS AND LIFE, into being about yourself?

So Feyre is sent back to the human world and just has all these incredibly weird internal thoughts begrudging humans- specifically the human servants of her family. GIRL THEY'RE SERVANTS they aren't going to look so fucking perfect like the dumb fae servants that can just flick their wrist and glamour any dirt away.

And then she has all these snobby thoughts about like "ohhh my family doesn't want for everything and has a beautiful estate again but it's not the irrationally flawless fae lands. These clothes are beautiful but Im sooooo used to the decadent silks it's not good enough for me. wah wah wahh feel bad for me for living in insane privilege"

(she goes from poverty to being hand held into glamorous estate with bottomless wealth and excess and she just kinda gets used to it extremely quickly and nothing is asked of her really. And then later her and her family are literally handed wealth on a gold plate. Aside from the first few chapters of the book she is not struggling at all. There is so little conflict in this book it is so DULL, but it's simply written so it's easy to breeze through.)

and then like. There's the whole thing how she gives a FAKE full name to some evil faerie guy (who was literally just scrounging around in her fucking brain, like how did he not pull a NAME jfc, how did he not immediately know it was a lie) and Feyre finds out that her whole family and estate and servants were essentially murdered in a fire. Does she feel any remorse for it? No, all she does it worry about her bang buddy and how something must be totally wrong oh nooooo. And goes to save him.

And then she returns to the fae lands and ohhh boy. Miraculously one of the servants survived/escaped the whole throw down and then just fucking info dumps for paragraphs and PAGES.

My god. "Poor tamlin was under THIS INCREDIBLE CONTRIVED CURSE THIS WHOLE TIME, and we couldn't talk about it but god, Feyre you're such a bitchy human for not knowing and not breaking the curse!!!!!!!!!!!"

The thing that drives me crazy is like... Feyre doesn't even think how the whole set up was just some way for Tamlin to break his curse, all of it was just to woo her and get her to fall in love with him and I don't know, but if I found out the person I was falling for had set up all this stuff to manipulate my emotions to fall in love with him for his own gain I would be kind of put off by that? Just zero thoughts on her end, she's so down to clown with that fae dick, just accepts his confession of love is genuine despite everything else.

And like, the LORE DUMP that happens too, like. You mentioned a "she" a few times, but then it's like all dumped because of this dumb thing of "oh we couldn't talk about it with the curse and we couldn't talk about her at all (btw here is all her backstory to justify the incredibly convoluted curse, and also some of the politics of the land), which we never mention anyways and give no real hints about anything so like, yeah it's all your fault Feyre that Tamlin's in danger because your didn't break the curse you had no idea was a thing"

It's just a fucking WILD tone to take, especially when this is the servant that's been her personal maid basically.

The entire book has just been:

Faerie character: Feyre don't do this thing. Listen to me without me explaining why you shouldn't do this thing. Have total faith in my words. You don't need to know why.

Feyre: I think I will do this thing anyways ahah!!!!!

Faeria character: god damn it Feyre the thing you did has all this bad stuff involved with it!!!!!!!! why didn't you listen!!!!!!!!!!

Tamlin: I am going to flaunt my wealth and power and be attractive.

Feyre: I want to bang him, that means i love him

[viewfromplanetx]

Not necessarily Samurai films, but…

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 - The movie opens to the tune of “Creep” by the Pretenders (Chrissie Hynde is so f*cking special) and everything the Guardians do has an appropriate rockin’ tune. Prepare to both laugh and cry as we learn the details of Rocket not-a-Racoon’s origin. The cast is full of super-hot chicks, dudes, and… others, but they’re all virgins because, you know, Disney. I’m pretty sure the movie gets it’s PG-13 rating from the organic bio-ship with it’s many creative orifices and bodily fluids. Action, swords, retards, things blowing up, it’s all there. I was pleased to see they got on the band wagon with an epic one-cut fight scene. Nice!

Into the Badlands live action series  - In a post-apocalyptic world ruled by 7 (yep) warlords, called barons, guns have been banned, so the enforcers, called quivers or clippers, and the bad guys fight with their dicks—JK (more on that later). They use swords, knives, staffs, arrows, fists, feet, etc. The camera work isn’t bad—longer uncut (that’s what she said) shots, not so shaky. The martial arts training and choreography was done by Hong Kong film veterans. Katanas feature prominently, but it does have a Kung Fu bent. Best fight scenes on TV. One big problem, the totally hot chicks are all just as badass as the hot dudes. Haven’t we established women cannot be Samurai?

Barbie - Didn’t see it. Seriously, why would you watch a movie that basically stars retards? Sure they’re hot retards, but you know they’re all virgins—spoiler alert—no genitals. Is there action? Who cares.

Samurai Jack animated series - I’ve seen better animation drawn by a ten your old. Lots of one-cut fights because it’s literally one cut. In the first episode he chops up half a dozen unarmed demons. His sword, symbolizing his manhood, is normal size when it’s stowed, but grows considerably when he whips it out. Can’t tell if anyone is hot or not (see above re drawing skills) except by the size of his “sword” I guess.

Afro Samurai comics - Same bull-dust as the movies. You retards really like this shit?

Vagabond graphic novel - Now this is what anime should be. You teenage retards would eat this sh!t up if only there was a potential waifu. Even though it’s about that cheddar-head Musashi, luckily it’s still a good story—with all the Sam-yer-eye sh!t, of course.

Harley Quinn animated series - Hot chicks with foul mouths. Harley is the only one who can kiss Poison Ivy with immunity, so they do it a lot. That is, when they’re not kicking ass. Plenty of waifu possibilities here for you wankers. Two thumbs up.

David Lynch Cooks Quinoa short  - Apparently it’s pronounced keen-wah, which is French for millet. Looks like little balls of bird sperm and tastes like bird piss. Would make a good meal to denigrate Samurai with. Whoever David Lynch is, he’s a retarded a-hole.

[thegeminisage]

started up zelda to dick around for like an hour & was SHOCKED to find myself on this dragon island. its been so long i literally forgot where i was lol

its difficult to get around here! rain means climbing is hard and i cant make upward gusts from campfires easily :( maybe i need my bike...

man it reminds me so much of the great sky islands...i feel like this must be the second largest collection of islands, actually. but it's been so long since the tutorial and the music is Like That it feels like a ruin of a ruin.......

ugh i ran into the bottom of an island and lost my bike >:(

oh i see! you're not supposed to use a bike but ascend. neat!!

my other issue is. i dont have a single nonmetallic weapon OR bow. so. my twink ass is gonna get fried

and the islands are small so i keep getting ALMOST KNOCKED OFF!!! EXCUSE ME....

snagged a sword! not a very good one though

oh and a BOW thank god

like i have the lightning proof armor i do but it is not at all upgraded so id be taking my life into my hands. no win scenario

well. it's upgraded to like level 2. which is still basically nothing at this point

:D i can see farosh from here!! HEY GIRLLL

i have to put it on to ride this track though lol. the thing im riding is metal!!

wait a sec. i can just wear this lightning proof armor, put on something metal, and STAND NEXT TO the bad guys. this is awesome! zapped his ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh shit this is an eventide shrine lol. fuck my life

they should have shrines with weather i just decided. i wanna zap their asses

NOOOOOOO a shooting star :( i dont WANT to leave but i really can't afford to pass it up :( at least i got a fast travel point i suppose...

ok got it. ugh i have to pick my way back over to where i was now...

oh my god i dove into the eye and CLEARED THE STORM...? THE MUSIC CHANGED........aaaaa ok im taking a break but SO COOL

ok im BACK. this is cool as hell but tbh i miss the storm a little!!

oh!!!!! a door that requires hearts.....

wait this is too serious im going back to get ths shrine real quick

ok got it. im prepared now.

YOOOOOOOOO dude now IM being spoken to by the sage??? SICK!!!!

yet another crystal follows the beam quest lol

i. accidentally. put the fans. on this wing. backwards. and fell. straight down to. the lynels territory

IN THE SPIRIT OF FUN. I DID NOT MAKE MY BIKE. WELL GUESS WHAT I'M DOING NOW. i need. such a speedy exit oh god oh god hes gonna seeee meeee

OKAY i made it out of sight but. this thing im supposed to carry is WAY heavier than a crystal. i carry those all the time and they do make the bike wonky, even more wonky than koroks do, but i can barely get it up off the ground. i even tried the "old" bike build that im more comfortable with and no dice. i fall out of the sky as soon as i get in it. insane.

ok. i made it. jesus fuck. i remember looking for a chasm here marked on my map...i guess im about to find it. AUGH

"we must meet as soon as possible" girl have you not had to wait 10,000 years?

OH WAIT I WAS HERE...THE DUNGEON I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT...THESE LIGHTROOTS HAVE BEEN LIT........thats fuckin crazy

IM GONNA BUILD MINERU A ROBOT BODY...wow just like leverage, i knew it was coming but it's still cool

SAGE OF SPIRIT....................................WAH

wait wait. i thought they took it out of this game bc it wasnt in gerudo desert. WAAAHHHH. it's so dumb and lore breaking but im sentimental

i havent been to the depths in a long time. i forgot that it's like - you see one thing out in the dark. in this instance, poes. and when you get there you see another thing - in this instance, monsters, and behind them, a lightroot. i could make my own little trail forever this way but it would lead me away from the temple and idk if i wanna explore or do the dungeon :/ i hate to leave poes uncollected and lightroots unlit but i also hate to stray so far from ym objective and have to walk ALLLLLL the way back

whatever, dungeon it is

left leg down!!

aaand right arm! building that cart sucked but riding it was awesome

oooh the music's changing...getting a bit creepy.............

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! GLOOM TREES......................

oh god i should check for hands down here right now immediately b4 i take another step

ok im clean. thank fuck

man not for nothing but this robot factory stuff reminds me a little of skyward sword...if only this could make sense and not just in my mind palace lol

its like an escort mission for legs lo. the puzzles in whatever quadrant im in rn are MURDERING me. im just brute forcing my way thru them

WHEEEEEEEE oh my god i get to ride a raft. oh my god worth it

left arm DOWN!!!

oh the music just got a LOT creepier. just for like one section

i remember walking up this big spine last time i was here just for fun. i didn't know if i'd feel like doing it/get the chance later. but now here i am doing it again

last depot...i don't think if there's a boss i want to fight it tonight. i'm bushed lol i have work in the morning

ok. actually. i cant figure the last puzzle out and its making me mad bc im 2sleepy. so im quitting here for the night. something to look forward to.......